He Can See Clearly Now..

It was bound to happen eventually. With five kids, the odds that at least one of them would inherit my wonky eye genetics were pretty close to 1-1. So when The Centurion (TC) noted that he couldn’t see the clock on the DVR from the couch, I had a pretty good idea of what was going on.

The face of a happy kid who can read a clock across a room again.

One visit to my eye-doc later, and we had a diagnosis: near-sighted, just like his Old Man. At least TC was happy about getting glasses. I got my first pair of external eyes around the same age, and don’t recall being nearly so sanguine, either at the time, or for a number of years after.

“But Aaron,” someone from the back asks, “what was your problem with corrective lenses? Didn’t you enjoy being able to see the details around you?”

X-15 Pilot photo via Wikipedia

 Well, yes, I did, and that part was very nice. However, let’s take a look at the picture above, shall we? Among the many things that these men have in common, note the distinct lack of any kind of corrective lenses on their faces. See, test pilots and fighter jocks didn’t wear glasses. And just like that, I passed through one of the first forks in a very long road that would put me where I am today.

I’d like to think that my general antipathy towards eyewear helped me deal with TC better. He doesn’t (as far as I know) harbor fighter pilot ambitions, not that it matters for recruitment standards these days anyway, but he does enjoy playing sports, and I had to assure him that he’ll still be able to do that. To my pleasant surprise, he’s also been called “Four-Eyes” a whole lot less than I did back in the ‘80s. Score one for the kids of today, I guess.

What Went Right in 2018? Vlog 2018-49

The end of another year always puts me in a retrospective mood. This year, since my finances and schedule are already largely locked in for December, that mood started a little earlier. I'm going to take the next few Vlogs to do a bit of a retrospective on 2018, focusing on what went well, what went wrong, and what I need to improve for next year.

1. Fitness: I ran my first half-marathon this year, and am definitely in the best shape that I've been in since my late teens.
2. Productivity: The Bullet Journal method absolutely revolutionized my productivity this year. After a rocky January, things really started to come together where my content output was concerned.
3. Streaming: I finally made Affiliate! Now to make my first dollar...

Of course, it wasn't all blinding success. Next week I'll take a look at what went wrong this year.

2019 And Beyond - Plans for the Caster Clan

I briefly mentioned in Monday's Vlog that my Twitch Channel (see also, the thing at the top of the blog) crossed two exciting milestones recently. First, the channel finally met Twitch's qualifications for Affiliate, meaning that I can start making a little bit of money off the channel by accepting Bits and monthly subscriptions! Second, Mini-Me has decided to hold down a regular Sunday afternoon streaming slot with his own show!

The thing is, none of this was really my plan when I started streaming in early 2015. At the time, my goal was to create an additional where I could promote th things I was writing, and maybe generate a little side income.

What my vision for the channel has become is to make it a place where people can be encouraged to chase their dreams. Where I hope seeing an average guy do slightly crazy things like run marathons, lift weights, bake, and learn motorcycle restoration inspires people to get off their butts and try something new. Along the way it’s turning into a big family channel, because there’s no way I can exclude my kids from these endeavors.

Cruise at 175mph, 510lbs useful load with full fuel, 4+ hour endurance... That'd put a lot more places within reach
without having to deal with TSA! (official phot from Van's Aircraft)

Since Adventure Girl also wants her own show, it seems like a name change for the channel is in order. It's not the Shadowcaster show anymore, it's all about the Caster Clan, since this is turning into some sort of crazy family streaming team.

That's both exciting and terrifying for me. Truthfully, some days I think it would probably be best for the kids if we turned Amish, and raised them up without any TV or Internet at all. Unfortunately, that genie's pretty well out of the bottle, and not going back in. The next best thing seems to be if the kids want to create content, then let it happen in an arena that I can exercise at least some moderation and control over. My hope is that the kids will learn some valuable lessons about interacting with people, having a professional attitude, and time management. Maintaining a broadcast schedule is tough, and so is dealing with people, especially the occasional troll.

Who knows, maybe this will all take off, and in a couple of years, I'll be a partnered streamer broadcasting family adventures as we assemble an RV-14, Waiex-B, or Kitfox S7 Super Sport in our garage!

It's better than planning on winning a MegaMillions jackpot, at the very least.

Junior Football Season Wrap-Up

I’ll admit, I had my doubts. Hopes for a good outcome, absolutely, but Future Jedi can be really difficult to engage if he isn’t totally into whatever activity he’s signed up for. For example, he loves being in the kids’ Christmas program at church, but hates to sing. So he won’t. He’ll do all the choreography, do a speaking part, whatever, but nary a note will pass his lips.

The kid looks like a football player, at least.

On the other hand, he wanted to play hockey after attending one game and seeing the players fight. He was mostly undeterred by the fact that he can’t skate, so my pitch to him for football was something along the lines of “You get to hit people, and you don’t have to learn to skate.”

Yes, I’m aware of all the research into CTE and traumatic brain injuries. I’m also aware that kids get hurt just as often playing soccer, despite that sport’s safer reputation. I don’t believe in perpetually cocooning kids in bubble wrap for their safety. I’m a child of the ‘80s. My brothers and I grew up riding bikes without helmets, playing outside for hours, and sleeping sideways on car bench seats. Technically we were still buckled up, not that it would have really mattered in a crash.

Point is, Future Jedi (FJ) is a very kinetic nine-year-old boy, who got bored standing around during baseball. He likes to hit things, wrestle with his siblings, and has been having trouble understanding that anger has both appropriate and inappropriate outlets. He may have a solid future career in the Marines. I figured that football would be good for him, if it could capture his focus.

For a change, I was correct.

Truthfully, his season got off to a rocky start. The first few weeks of junior football practice are kind of boring, as kids start off with non-contact drills, then put on their helmets, and eventually work their way into full pads and hitting each other for real. FJ was bored. When smart, active boys are bored, they tend to cause trouble. Fortunately, FJ’s coach was used to dealing with teamfuls of boys like that, and dealt with it well.

Things got better as the season went on. FJ found his place on offence on the line, lined up to the left of the Center position. He first got frustrated when opponents would send two players to try and move him, then made it a point of pride that he could tie up two defenders. On defense he started on the line as well, but as the season went on, his coaches saw something. FJ was pretty quick, despite being one of the bigger kids on the team. He enjoyed making tackles. Linebacker! Just like that, FJ found his position trying to pancake anyone with the ball.

More importantly, he showed that he was learning the lessons that I hoped he’d learn: that using anger to focus on an objective can be beneficial, but just being angry and exploding only hurts you and your team. That teams are only as strong as their members. That aggression is okay, when channeled appropriately. That discipline, focus, and hard work do pay off to achieve goals.

At the end of the season, he was awarded “Most Improved” by his coaches.

He already plans on playing again next season. He’s even inspired his younger brother, The Centurion (TC) to play as well.

Monday Vlogging: Temporary Single Parent - Vlog 2018-40

Having one half of the parenting team gone for a long weekend really makes a fellow appreciate her efforts more.



One particular observation that kept occurring to me over the weekend is that I don't know how single parent hobbyist streamers make it work. I'm getting off easy, because my wife had the meal plan, lesson plans, and most of the laundry already squared away, so I didn't have to do a major shopping run, plan kids' schoolwork, or spend too much time worrying about the kids having clean clothes.

If I did have to worry about those things, I doubt I would have had time to prep video and blog content for the next week, much less actually sit down and play some games at some late night point.

Water is Wet, And Other Controversial Statements About Marriage

It's not really a surprise when my Facebook feed lights up in outrage about something anymore. My youth in Southern California, college years at a Fundamental Baptist Bible college, career in and around Seattle, and now career in South Dakota all ensure that my friend list is rather diverse. Annoyingly so at times. Still, I was surprised both by the topic of the latest outrage, and by its target.

"Men Prefer Debt Free Virgins (Without Tattoos)" shouted the headline of the article. "That's judging the exterior, and what about the boys?" grumbled the response.

Now from my perspective, there's really only one response to a statement like that of the original article.

That marriage minded men would prefer women who are debt free, child free (with minimal prior sexual partners), and capable of making the kind of sound judgements that preclude getting lots of tattoos or piercings at an early age should be self evident and uncontroversial. It's right up there with other uncontroversial and incontrovertible statements like "Water is wet.", "The sky is blue.", and "Hillary Clinton is a lying shitweasel."

But, apparently this isn't the case. Look, I get why the bitter, loveless writers for Jezebel would hate on the article, but that's not where the fire was coming from this time. Instead it was from some of my old classmates from Fundie school, who apparently took issue with a number of things in the article.

The original article can be found here. At this point, I should probably note that I had not previously heard of The Transformed Wife. This may have something to do with the fact that I am not a housewife, not female, and not a Transformer. I do, however, like to make up my own mind about things, so I checked out the original post and site.

Okay, look, I have a few problems with The Transformed Housewife. Most notably, she's a big fan of the Duggers, whom I absolutely can't stand for their fake as Joel Osteen brand of prosperity gospel, quiverfull BS. But that's a rant for another day. If Herron Walker can get something right for Jezebel, then Mrs. Alexander can definitely be right just as often, if not more.

So let's dig into the substantive criticism of the article, shall we?

The first argument that I saw was that the article focuses too much on outward appearances, on being debt free, and doesn't present a salvation message, or hope for ladies who aren't debt-free, aren't virgins, or have tattoos. To which I can only respond with "Do you get mad at a can of Pepsi for not being an ice-cold lemonade?"

God's grace is for everyone. No matter who you are, where you're from, or what you did (and if you were a teen in the '90s, I bet you've got that song stuck in you're head now), God's grace is for you. But this article isn't for that group, it's advice to teenage young ladies for what to do or not do, if they'd like to be married before they're thirty-five. And it is absolutely, statistically inarguable that being debt free, and not having children before marriage are choices that tend to lead to a happier, more successful life. This applies to men and women, too.

Tattoos, well, one can argue that's more of a preference than anything else, but it seems like most eighteen- or nineteen-year-old folks who get tattoos tend to regret them later in life. Why mark yourself up in a permanent way for the kind of impulsive decision that most college-age people are known for? I'm not even arguing against all tattoos here. If you want ink, go for it, but do it as a calm, thought out, sober process, not as a drunken dare.

Which brings me to argument Number Two, which is the claim that there's a double standard between what the church teaches young women, and what they teach young men. Which in my past experience as a young man, I consider to be utterly absurd.

All right, story time. Cue DC Talk's I Don't Want It for some background music as I go back to the '90s as a church kid. We all got the same talks: God's best is that you stay a virgin until you get married. Don't look for the right one, be the right one. Everyone was reading Josh Harris's book I Kissed Dating Goodbye (which turned out to be a bit of a mistake, in hindsight). As I recall, a roughly equal number of both guys and girls stood up at the front of our church one Sunday morning and made a purity pledge, putting gold bands on our left ring fingers and promising to not remove them until we could give them to our future spouses as physical symbols of our purity.

Now, I'll admit that's it's been almost eighteen years since I last paid any attention to advice about dating. I stopped needing that kind of advice once I slipped my grandmother's ring onto the finger of my Beloved after she agreed to be my future wife. But it seems highly unlikely that churches have done a one-eighty degree pivot on the topic of sexual purity since that time. Oh, there may be a few that have unspoken double-standards, but I don't believe those are a majority. Perhaps I simply wasn't cool enough as a teen to be invited to the double-secret meetings in the secret cave under the baptismal where the youth pastor read the Secret Eleventh and Twelth commandments from the forbidden book of Hezekiah, advising the teenage boys of the church to ignore all publicly taught lessons and instead nail every hot piece of tail you can find, then complain that the only women you can find are sluts when you're ready to settle down.

But somehow I doubt that. Let me phrase one of the oft repeated dating lessons of my youth - "Don't look for the right one, be the right one" a different way. Law of Attraction. Like attracts like. For guys this meant (and still means) that if you want to find a moral, family minded, debt free woman with few prior partners and no kids, be that kind of person yourself first! Conversely, if a guy plans on getting enough ink on his skin to make a sailor blush, run up massive debts, and sow wild oats whenever and wherever he can, he shouldn't be surprised when his dating options have all made similar choices in their past.

What's the conclusion. Primarily, it's that The Transformed Wife is right on the money with this one, whatever her other issues may be. And secondly, for women protesting this, well, as Shakespeare once wrote: "Methinks the lady doth protest too much."

Around the Web - Twenty Things To Never Say or Not Say To Your Wife

Picking on click-bait listicles is like using a shotgun to shoot fish in a very small barrel, but it’s Around The Web Tuesday, and this article, found via Maggie’s Farm, just deserves a proper rewriting.

Image found via Stay At Home Mum

Presented, with my own commentary, is “Things No Wife Wants to Hear” from some website I’ve never heard of called BestLifeOnline. What’s really frustrating about this article is that the things to never say are pretty reasonable (though it could have been cut down to fifteen items). The explanations, on the other hand, are absolute rubbish, provided by professional therapists who make money by convincing people that they have perpetual problems which can only be fixed with more therapy.

So without further preamble, and in the style of Larry Correia, here's my take on twenty things to never say or not say to your wife. The original article's points are in bold, my responses are in italics.

1. You remind me of my mother.
   Yeah, don’t ever do this. Also, don’t say that she reminds you of her mother either. No good can come from either of these sentences.
   
2. Get over it.
   Don’t say this either.
3. Don’t take this personally.
   Look, just don’t say this to anyone, ever. Because any statement that you have to preface with this phrase, the hearer is going to take personally. Better to just not say it.
4. You’re just better with the kids than I am.
   You're only saying this to get out of something you don't want to do with the kids. Man up and do it.
5. I want a divorce.
   The article says don’t say this if you’re serious. They’re wrong. Don’t say this. Period. Even as a joke. It’s one of those things that gets inside your brain, and once it’s spoken, even as a joke, it’s going to start percolating back there. This sentence should be entirely obliterated from your conversation, unless you are absolutely, 100% serious about following through. 
6. Relax!
   This is just another way of saying “Get over it.” Don’t do it. Why you wanna go through it?
7. Why don’t we have sex like we used to?
   Do you want all sexytime to come to a screeching halt? No? Then don’t ask this. Things change, people get busier. Sex drives adjust. It’s reasonable and healthy to talk about what frequency you’d like to be doing the nasty, but before you to that, take a look in the mirror. Are you still the young stud you were when you two first met? Or have you put on a few pounds, maybe stopped trimming that unibrow as much, and are once again wearing that ratty t-shirt that she keeps telling you she hates? Fix yourself first, then have that conversation.
   
   Also, women are not automated loving dispensers where if you do the flawless ten steps, you get the same results every time. Sometimes you can do everything right, and something really is going on. But before you jump to that conclusion and start thinking zebras when you hear hoofprints, see the advice above. Look in the mirror. When's the last time you did the dishes, put away your shirts, or actually did one of those things she keeps asking you to get done? Fix yourself first.
8. You were so hot when we met.
   Key word here: “Were.” Past tense. As in, you’re not that hot anymore, what happened? If you say this, you’re an idiot and deserve to sleep on the couch.
9. Is that what you’re wearing?
   This is another colossally dumb thing to say. If you absolutely must question her choice of attire, frame it in the form of a compliment, i.e. “Honey, you look great, but I’m not sure your black cocktail dress is appropriate for an afternoon BBQ party at Bob’s house.” Either she’ll change, or she’ll tell you why you’re wrong. Either way, shut up and do not proceed further with this conversation.
10. Stop nagging me.
    Maybe she really is nagging you, but the odds are, she isn't. Shut up, say “Yes, dear” and move on. Better yet, get organized, start a Bullet Journal, and actually start getting things done around the house. Hey, it might solve phrase seven while you're at it!
11. Yes, that outfit does make you look fat.
    See also when to tell her “Relax”, or “Get over it."
12. What did you say?
    Now here’s the thing: you really should be paying attention, not half-listening for something important while checking the game scores on your phone. But, it’s better to stop, admit you weren’t listening, and ask her to repeat the past statement, rather than agree to host a play-date with the Millers next weekend because you weren’t really listening, and just mumbled “Okay” to her question. Also, she already knew you weren't listening. And if you're only selectively listening to her, why exactly is she supposed to be paying rapt attention to your words?
13. We’re out of money.
    If the budget is empty for the month, she needs to know. Financial responsibility conversations suck, but you absolutely have to have them, regardless of who the spender is. Ignoring the problem or covering it up will only make things worse later.
14. In a minute
    Do you mean you’re actually going to do it as soon as you finish whatever task you’re doing now? Say that. Do you mean you’re going to get to this new thing when Hell freezes over? Don’t say that, but at least acknowledge truthfully that you’re not going to get to it in her immediate timeframe. Also see thing #10. If you just got off your ass and did the thing, you wouldn't feel like she's nagging you to do it.
15. Did you finish?
    If you have to ask, you’re doing it wrong.
16. I know I said I would do it, but…
    See #14, In a minute…
17. I’m not attracted to you right now
    See “Yes that makes you look fat”, “I want a divorce”, “Relax”, and “Get over it.”
18. Calm down
    See “I’m not attracted to you right now”, “Yes, that makes you look fat”, “I want a divorce”, “Relax”, and “Get over it.”
19. I have an STD
    Did you get this from a past partner? Then it should have come up WAAAAAAAAY before getting married. Did you get it after you got married? Then you’re an unfaithful dumbass not even smart enough to properly use protection for your idiotic dalliances. Prepare to get screwed in court when the next words out her mouth are “I want a divorce.”
20. Silence
    After all of these things to not say, a reasonable man would conclude that if you are inclined to respond with any of these things, it would better to stay silent. No, says the article, you must say something! So damned if you do, damned if you don’t. If you absolutely must say something then, use something honest to buy time like “Can I think about this and get back to you? I’m not prepared to answer that right now.”